Not Today
by JediGurrl
Summary: Angsty post trilogy piece. Trin talking to herself. Please R&R *new* more history, because you requested it
1. Now...

When I woke up, he wasn't there.  
  
Not that that was unusual. He often wasn't there when I awoke. He doesn't sleep much anymore.  
  
None of us do really.  
  
We all have our after effects of the Final Battle.  
  
Most of us don't sleep. Too many bad, vivid, and incredibly painful memories surface when you're unconscious.  
  
I pad out to the control room; sure enough he's watching the screens.  
  
The screens have been dead since the battle. But he watches them anyway. None of us knows what it is that he sees.  
  
  
  
I pad up behind him and set a hand on his shoulder, it's a completely absent-minded gesture, I'm puzzled for a split second when he jumps like a scalded cat.  
  
Then I remember. The Final Battle left him in a permanent state of hyper- sensitivity, he doesn't like being touched because of it.  
  
If he's in control, it's not so bad, then he knows what's going to happen. But when he's startled, he tends to revert to a near-animal mindset, fight or flight.  
  
I hold my hands where he can see them, "Easy easy easy, it's just me babe. I didn't mean to startle you.."  
  
He blinks at me, terrified, near-hyperventilating.  
  
I continue murmuring softly, not moving, slowly I see realization cross his eyes, he blinks again, "Trin?"  
  
I nod, slowly reaching out to touch his arm again. He catches my hand and presses it to his cheek, sighing and shaking his head, "I can still see it if I'm not paying attention. The code. The people behind the code. The battles, the bodies, all of it." He shudders, holding back a sob.  
  
He hates us, any of us, to see him this way. He's supposed to be our fearless leader, the One. He's supposed to be the guy that ended the war. And in a way, he is. It just didn't end the way everyone had hoped.  
  
He shudders again and I feel tears against my fingers.  
  
All I want to do at this moment is hold him, take him in my arms and tell him that it'll turn out alright. But I can't. Mostly because that would hurt him more than one would think possible.  
  
So I stand, letting him pretend that he's not hurting as much as we both know he is.  
  
And maybe one day I'll be able to hold him without seeing the agony in his eyes, the old terror that we all have hidden somewhere behind our corneas now.  
  
Maybe some day everything will turn out the way we hoped it would.  
  
But that day isn't today. 


	2. Then.....

Pixel sat in the operator's chair, at twelve she was almost as tall as her father, and her fingers were faster, ~but that's because you've been hacking the Matrix since you were an infant.~ she thought to herself.  
  
She drew her knees up under her chin, watching the screens with growing nervousness.  
She cracked her knuckles and typed a command on one of the keyboards. Moments later, the phone rang, she answered, "Operator. No, they aren't Agents, they're something else, but I can't tell what. They're big though. No, nothing new here. Everyone's still asleep, no sign of squidys. Right. Come back in one piece."  
  
  
Neo pocketed his cellphone, ~It's not like Pixie to worry without a good reason~ He thought to himself, ~something must be going on. Better get what I came for and get back outside~  
He continued searching the library shelves. He finally found the book he was looking for. He ran his hands over the worn leather cover, memorizing the code fragment so that he could bring it up in the construct later.  
  
  
Pixel worked on isolating the blips she'd seen earlier, they were moving slowly, not like agents at all. She cracked her knuckles, Alright ladies or gents, let's see what you look like." She tapped away at the keyboards around her in seemingly random patterns and sentences. Slowly, on one of the smaller screens part of a city street swam into focus, "Now we're talking. Where are you?"  
She was typing and re-typing so fast that her fingers were a blur.  
The phone rang, startling her, she picked it up, "Operator."  
  
"I finished my errands, where do you want me to meet you for breakfast? I've got it. See you in a few."  
  
Neo woke with a start, Pixel unplugged him, "You got what you were looking for?"  
"Yeah. Did you decode the not-an-Agent?"  
Pixel shook her head, "No, I was close, then you called and I lost it."  
"Don't worry about it, you'll get it next time. Now, how about some breakfast? I'm starved."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Pixel, almost six, sat eating breakfast, waiting for someone to wake up. Moments later, Neo walked in, yawning, "Morning Pixie." He said, finding a bowl and a spoon.  
"G'morning uncle Neo."  
He shook his head and sat down across from her, "It's too early to be an uncle today."  
"Oh. Alright. She looked at him, her green eyes narrowed, "I have a question."  
"About what?"  
"About things on the inside."  
He smiled at her, setting his breakfast aside, "Like what?"  
"Grass."  
He blinked, "Grass?"  
Pixel nodded, "Yes. It's green, right?"  
"Most of the time."  
"Why?"  
Neo scratched his head, "I'm not sure. Something to do with chlorophyll I think. Why do you ask?"  
Pixel shrugged, "Just wondering."  
Neo started eating again, "You can always change it you know."  
Pixel blinked at him, utterly baffled, "Change it? But YOU'RE the One."  
Neo laughed, trying not to choke or spray glop across the table, "I am, and I can change things from the inside. But I can teach you to re-write them from the outside."  
Skye walked in, "So what're you going to teach my daughter THIS time Mr. Chosen One?"  
Pixel smiled at her mother, "Uncle Neo says that the grass doesn't have to be green, that I can change it if I want."  
Skye nodded thoughtfully, "while you're at it, can you change the color of the white house? I've always thought it would look better electric blue."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
At sixteen Pixel was a better operator than her father, ~But, he hasn't been the same since mom died~ she thought to herself as she sat, waiting for Neo to call in.  
It had been over an hour since he had found Spyder's lair. Trinity was starting to pace, "Where is he?"  
Pixel glanced at the screen, "Still talking to Spyder."  
"Any sign of trouble?"  
Pixel shook her head, "Nope, but if any comes up I'll be able to warn him, and he'll be able to cope."  
"Remind me what the signal is again?"  
Pixel chuckled, "You know what it is, I've used it on you before."  
"I know, but it'll make me feel better if we go over it again."  
Pixel gestured to the keyboards, "It's simple. I finish the code by typing 'run' in sequence on the boards, the word will appear on the back of Neo's hand, then he'll know it's time to get the hell out of Dodge. After that he's got five minutes to call in for an exit. If he doesn't, we send you in after him."  
Trinity went back to pacing. Pixel pulled her knees up under her chin, "Why's he so interested in this Spyder woman anyway?"  
Trinity sighed and rubbed her eyes, "He thinks she's Siryn reincarnated."  
Pixel chewed on a fingernail, still watching the screens, "He took her death harder than he lets on, didn't he?"  
Trinity nodded, going back to pacing, "He felt more responsible for her than anyone else."  
Pixel knit her brow, "Why"  
Trinity sighed, "Siryn was the first one Neo freed."  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Siryn gasped awake in the real world, onboard the Jabberwocky, "Oh, God." She choked, "Get me unplugged." Case unplugged the connection from the back of Siryn's head, "Easy, easy, easy, you're alright, I've got you." As soon as the uplink was out she wrapped her arms around Case, he stroked her hair, "It's okay, you're back now."  
Siryn sobbed, "That was too close. I felt that last bullet."  
"It's okay now, you got back safe, so did Neo."  
Across the room Trinity and Neo were sharing a similar embrace, Neo's head resting on Trinity's pregnant belly.  
In the Operator's chair, Sky nursed her five-month-old daughter Pixel, whose vivid green eyes watched the endless crawl of the Matrix trickling down the screens.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
"You ready?"   
Ten-year-old Rama poked his friend Pixel, she nodded, "Almost. They gathered?"  
Rama grinned, showing the gap of his lost tooth, "Yep, and dad's ready to go into the construct and try it out."  
"Good." Pixel put the finishing touched on the program and ejected the disk, "Let's go."  
When Pixel and Rama got to the control room, everyone was gathered around the monitors, Siryn looked as if she'd just won another Agent fight simulation. Tired and smug at the same time.  
Trinity looked at her son and Pixel, "So what is it that you two just HAVE to show us?"  
Pixel brandished the disk, "This. It's something Rama and I have been working on for a while now."  
Rama continued while Pixel loaded the program into the construct. "We thought it would be helpful, considering recent events. Dad, you ready to try it out?"  
Neo nodded, "Plug me in."  
Trinity inserted the connection spike into the back of Neo's head, he winced slightly.  
Moments later he appeared on the screens, he took his cell phone out of a pocket, Pixel put on the headset, "Operator."  
"You see, " Rama began, "The way things are now, you have to have a cell phone to contact your operator, and that's dangerous for two reasons."   
Pixel took over, "One, A phone is easy to lose, and two they are also, Papa?"  
Tank blinked, "Easily traceable?"  
"Exactly." Pixel and Rama said in unison. Rama continued, "But thanks to this program, that Pixel thought up."  
"And Rama made last minute improvements to."  
"An operative on the inside, in this case, Dad, can remain in constant contact with the operator on the outside."  
Pixel nodded and spoke into the headset, "Check your pockets Neo. Yep, that's it, just thump the end. Like that, now hook it around your ear. You got it. Now hang up the cell. Just do it uncle Neo. Trust me."  
Pixel switched the headset to speaker, Neo said, "Can you hear me?" Rama smiled, "Loud and clear dad."  
The adults looked around at each other in disbelief. 


End file.
